I haven't written anything new in such a long time. That may be an issue for me. This rage and this desire to just give up are killing me. Perhaps I have had the power to drive them away before. I need to feel like I am doing something. My hate will consume me in the end.
06-17-10
"Would that I can release you. I am no longer in control. There was a distinct change after the 46th ritual. I noticed that what I had been experiencing was no longer real. They trapped me in a dream world and now they are free to do as they please, with all my power at their disposal...."
He could barely focus. The incantation was buzzing around inside his head. The words lit up his thoughts like beacons of light, they blinded him. Somewhere underneath of all the power and energy flowing around and through him he could hear the sharp and terrifying screams. Someone was being tortured right next to him.
Somehow he was disconnected from it. This was unusual. Power still flowed into him, but he did not feel the pain. What was wrong? Where was the linkage? The light in his head permeated his sense of self and made it difficult to locate his query.
In the deeper recesses of his mind he could feel it. The link was heavy, it was as if a thousand cords of magic had been wrapped together and nestled into his brain. He knew if he followed them he would be led to the man who sat screaming next to him. Why couldn't he feel him though?
The mass of cords were whole and unmolested. There was no true end to the cords, they were inside him and therefore connected. Somehow though he was not at the fore of himself.
Slowly he let himself drift back up into the light. They seared through him and caused pain of their own, but nothing compared to the torture he usually endured. The link should have been sending all of the man's pain to him. He did not prevent the man from feeling it, but shared it. If he were aware of himself he would have shivered.
Watching as men were mutilated and beaten, their screams pulsing through him, had scarred him. When he first was placed in that chair and noticed the man next to him tied and gagged he could not fathom what was to happen. When the incantation started he began to feel things. First he noticed a great weariness, the man was exhausted. A gnawing hunger settled into his stomach and his wrists began to burn.
The sensations almost overtook him. He soon began yelling that he did not belong there. The Wizards of Alak'Nor would never stand for this. Screaming to be released a heavy hand came down and smacked his face. Realization came to him as the man sitting next to him recoiled in pain with him. Then they had brought out the knives.
Returning to his current situation he started watching the light pulsing through his mind. He had only had this introspective view once before. One of the victims, they had pushed him here. Perhaps they hoped he could disrupt the magic. If he tried to get to near the words and the light he was burned and blown backward. There was no stopping them.
The victim who had done this was dead though. It was his previous one. Did he somehow linger somewhere inside himself? Did the victim force him here again?
He had to get back, he had to see what was happening. He could still hear the man screaming, but only faintly. Perhaps if he could get to the source he could retake himself. Only it seemed as if the sound was coming from above the spell. How would he get through it?
The lights pulsed and between each pulse there was darkness, a stillness that he could see or feel something beyond. Chiding himself for thinking of things in a physical sense he waited and expelled himself through between the next pulse.
Pain ripped through him. Agony was coming out of him as sound in raw screams. The cuts were everywhere. Small gouges that wept blood covered him. They burned and ached with such a ferocity that he was certain he would go into shock.
Remembering in a small moment that it was not actually happening to him he dared look over. There was not a man who sat next to him but a bloody mess. His skin was so punctuated by the small incisions that it was a marvel that his innards did not spill out.
Tearing his eyes away he began to go through the motions of ignoring the pain. It never truly worked but it helped some. He believed because he was not actually physically receiving the torture he should be able to shut off his mind from feeling it. But he never truly succeeded .
Reciting entire books in his mind, listing the names of all the people he had murdered, mapping out the city in his head all worked fairly well. Even so his thoughts would usually turn to Srothe. Somehow he felt that in the man he could bastion himself away.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
What am I doing?
Yay! So this is the picture that I found in April that I had been looking for! Want to know what I did with it since then? A big fat nothing! But it was supposed to be a mix of the Freedom Gundam and Wing Zero and whatever else nonsense. I just never finished it. I have another picture of it that I liked even less.
And now to bore everyone to death! I decided to start posting the stupid things I write in notebooks.
11-03-09
Soon I will start writing in earnest. It has taken 8 years but the store is finally tightening up.
Just must fight to protect his people and learn what it means to kill out of need.
Along the way he is assaulted by a voice in his head. He bonds a young woman who loves his best friend. He befriends rebels and slaves to the council.
And at the end a demon awaits him. After the city exalts his name and pushes him into leadership.
Eventually I must strive to complete a time line. And in such a way that I can shift events around easily.
Otherwise its all in my head waiting to be written. Stupid Laziness.
Jude felt as if he were bated in light. Slowly he opened his eyes to find he was atop a hill. The hill was tall and covered in healthy green grass. He could see nothing beyond the hill.
He knew what he would see when he looked down. A man so burnt it seemed impossible he should yet live. There was no trace of his fingers, toes or his hair. The mains face was a a blackened husk, his eyes were a startling contrast.
Just as he had so long ago he placed his hands on the man's chest. The man screamed, or at least he seemed to. There was no mouth to open and his through could not be in good shape.
Even in the dream Jude reveled at the intake of power. He surged energy through the man speeding up his metabolism to dangerous levels. The man's cells would begin to repair themselves but Jude knew it was not enough.
Waves of pure life overlaid into the blackened mess of skin and flesh and caused it to repair. Flesh of milk white began to emerge out of the crusty ashes.
Jude did not let up. He always feared if he left the Healing to it's own devices somehow it would fail.
It took only minutes. The man's chest began to rise and fall. It was well muscled and sprinkled with freckles and red hair. The man's fingers began to regrow revealing long strong hands.
As his face took shape eyelids grew back over the eyes, full lips grew to cover recovered teeth and a full head of vibrant red hair. The man only showed a little gray at his temples.
Jude gasped. Since he started dreaming of the incident the man who emerged from his healings were never actually the man who he had healed. It was always a different person. Never had he seen two of the same faces. Some killed him, some he killed. Generally the dream would dissolve into madness by this point. But never had it been the original man.
His eyes fluttered open. At first he seemed to be in shock. What Jude could only guess was recognition passed over his features. The man spoke softly, "I know you."
The man sat up, looking amazed at the ease of it. "You healed me. That was so long ago." The man looked away for a moment as if seeing something in the distance. He turned back. "Who are you?"
Before Jude could answer he felt as if he were being pulled away. The hill vanished.
-
Hmm it sucks and I cheated. I edited a little bit of it. This really sucked... I am almost tempted to not post this.
It's a new year! Can you believe it!?
So my life is so insane that if I told you all about it I bet that no one would believe me! I cannot go into detail here as I don't feel I have the right to tell about other people's lives (and there are so many involved, sigh).
Today I worked for six hours. I sat in a truck and played PSP while talking to a guy who is named Chicken Bone by his peers. Being that I play video games and do little else we did not have much to talk about. So it was a little awkward.
Then I had my sister pick me up after the terrible news that our Storm Work was over (boo). So we went back to her house and we began watching Julie & Julia. Halfway through her husband came home and we decided we needed to get dinner. We discussed all manner of things, but my favorite was the idea that we should collaborate and write a book. I just think it would be exciting.
So we went to Shop Rite and we were very excited by the Can Can Sale. 12 Packs of Coke Products are only 5 for 10$!!! We couldn't believe that. Then we spent about half the time there picking out ice cream. It's amazing how the cartons have shrunk so much and the price is so high! Where are my 1.99 2Qt tubs!?!?
The second half of the movie was even better when we got home. Though the ending was very ambiguous. Except that apparently Julie wrote a book about her blog. Then a movie was made out of it. We were shocked right out of our panties!
Yeah, so here I am writing a blog about a movie in which a woman wrote a blog and then became successful. But that won't happen to me... Oh well.
P.S. Today while we were eating at Applebees I decided that my next boyfriend has to have red hair, want kids and only like real Christmas trees. Yeah I am crazy.
Today I worked for six hours. I sat in a truck and played PSP while talking to a guy who is named Chicken Bone by his peers. Being that I play video games and do little else we did not have much to talk about. So it was a little awkward.
Then I had my sister pick me up after the terrible news that our Storm Work was over (boo). So we went back to her house and we began watching Julie & Julia. Halfway through her husband came home and we decided we needed to get dinner. We discussed all manner of things, but my favorite was the idea that we should collaborate and write a book. I just think it would be exciting.
So we went to Shop Rite and we were very excited by the Can Can Sale. 12 Packs of Coke Products are only 5 for 10$!!! We couldn't believe that. Then we spent about half the time there picking out ice cream. It's amazing how the cartons have shrunk so much and the price is so high! Where are my 1.99 2Qt tubs!?!?
The second half of the movie was even better when we got home. Though the ending was very ambiguous. Except that apparently Julie wrote a book about her blog. Then a movie was made out of it. We were shocked right out of our panties!
Yeah, so here I am writing a blog about a movie in which a woman wrote a blog and then became successful. But that won't happen to me... Oh well.
P.S. Today while we were eating at Applebees I decided that my next boyfriend has to have red hair, want kids and only like real Christmas trees. Yeah I am crazy.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Something I thought up a few weeks ago
I have a crazy fucking idea for a story. It would take place in a world rich with magic. In a kingdom where intrigue and espionage rule everyone is trying to get the upper hand. The story would center around two operatives. The older is a veteran and a bit goofy, the second is about ten years younger and very serious about everything. But then the guild they work for begins to experiment on them. They focus on the younger one as he is very receptive to the conditioning. As he starts to be driven insane by the experiment he clings to his friend and forms an unhealthy dependency he mistakes for love. As time goes on the experiments make him almost god like. He eventually grows beyond the guilds control.
The story depicts how a new operative has been tasked with finding out what whet wrong with the first. He must find out what the bonds between the first two mean, he must figure out why the older one resigns himself to death at the hands of his partner. Above all he must convince this man that destroying the world is not worth it or kill him...
Garvin, Zarren, Ysserren, Pfellick, Datwyn, Ikkano, Srothe
I think Garvin should be the younger, Srothe the older. Ysserren is the investigator.
An image that sticks in my head: Garvin is kneeling in the dust and Srothe stands facing away with his hand on Garvin's shoulder. Srothe walks away and Garvin stands breathing heavy. Suddenly he screams and the city he faced in the distance explodes into a giant blast of light. Winds buffet them and the light envelops Garvin and blasts at Srothe's back.
-What happened exactly was that Garvin took a liking to Srothe early on. They spent a lot of time together and while Srothe saw it only as a friendship it meant a lot more to Garvin. When the experiments started Garvin started falling apart and Srothe tried to comfort him. It eventually leads to a situation wher Garvin is clutching Stothe and laying his head upon his chest weeping. Still Srothe encourages Garvin to go through the experiments. When Garvin decides he wants more from Srothe he is denied. This pushes him over the edge and his mind snaps as he believed he lost the only thing he ever loved. He then begins a reign of destruction that none can contain. The guild has only one option to make another like him, enter Ysseren.
The power that they hold is obtained through a ritual of torture. A wizard must be sacraficed by very painful means, the method is not very important. But the recipiant is linked to the wizard and endures the pain as well. After the fore arms are slashed open and wizard and recipient are bound together wounds matching. The recipient then must destroy and consume the wizards essence or rather his soul. This gives the recipient a direct link to arcane power. They can draw upon the power of the wizards like tapping many wells. The more sacrifices the more power and wells to tap.
Garvin had almost fifty wizards sacrificed to him.
Ysseren doesn't understand Garvin's outcry about the power. He is put into deep sleeps and the ritual is performed mostly with him unaware. He must learn from Garvin where his power cones from.
Srothe also has the power but he showed less aptitude and therefore only received a few sacrifices. But he saw them as necessary evils and dealt with them much better.
The guild should be preparing for some disaster or invasion. There has to be a lot of desperation to commit such acts. Perhaps Garvin has killed all of the guild but Ysserren and Srothe, now Ysseren is concerned of the calamaty's advent but doesn't know what it might be. Garvin knows bt its buried in the madness that consumes him.
It comes to a head when Ysserren has finally learned of Srothe's guilt and his regrets of how he treated Garvin. They are at the imperial Capitol and Garvin is claiming he is going to purge the world to save it. He says the pain he endures will allow him to extinguish the world and himself. Ysseren attempts to fight him and finds that he is significantly weaker despite having almost the same amount of sacrifices. Garvin floats above the city and begins to use pillars of light to tear the city apart. As Ysseren and Srothe watch in horror they begin to see that there is something hiding beneath the city. It is an ancient Wyrm and as it wakes and begins to rage Garvin strikes it down in a collosal battle. All across the world the sibling Wyrms wake and begin to rampage. Then Garvin falls dead leaving the world to it's plight.
-There is even a religion that follows Garvin. They claim he will purge the Earth in Holy light and cleanse it. They seem to believe he us actually the spawn of one of the gods. He of course denounces them but when he finds that he can not dissuade them he let's them be and some times even serve him. Some how his rabbel of a church actually uncovered the prophecy foretelling of the Wyrm's and their advent. Every one discounted them though.
They call him The Destroyer. But after the Wyrm is killed Srothe and Ysseren see a procession of his Priests leading thousands of people out of the ground claiming the Destroyer has protected them. Somewhere between his madness he charged the Church with saving the people who would listen.
-Of course there should be more to the story. Characters involved in politics and intrigue, maybe even movements against the church. There has to be a female love interest for Ysseren.
-Garvin takes revenge on the guild only after they grant Ysseren his powers. Untill then there was no word of where Garvin was. Not even his Church knew where he was. (Well most of them)
The story depicts how a new operative has been tasked with finding out what whet wrong with the first. He must find out what the bonds between the first two mean, he must figure out why the older one resigns himself to death at the hands of his partner. Above all he must convince this man that destroying the world is not worth it or kill him...
Garvin, Zarren, Ysserren, Pfellick, Datwyn, Ikkano, Srothe
I think Garvin should be the younger, Srothe the older. Ysserren is the investigator.
An image that sticks in my head: Garvin is kneeling in the dust and Srothe stands facing away with his hand on Garvin's shoulder. Srothe walks away and Garvin stands breathing heavy. Suddenly he screams and the city he faced in the distance explodes into a giant blast of light. Winds buffet them and the light envelops Garvin and blasts at Srothe's back.
-What happened exactly was that Garvin took a liking to Srothe early on. They spent a lot of time together and while Srothe saw it only as a friendship it meant a lot more to Garvin. When the experiments started Garvin started falling apart and Srothe tried to comfort him. It eventually leads to a situation wher Garvin is clutching Stothe and laying his head upon his chest weeping. Still Srothe encourages Garvin to go through the experiments. When Garvin decides he wants more from Srothe he is denied. This pushes him over the edge and his mind snaps as he believed he lost the only thing he ever loved. He then begins a reign of destruction that none can contain. The guild has only one option to make another like him, enter Ysseren.
The power that they hold is obtained through a ritual of torture. A wizard must be sacraficed by very painful means, the method is not very important. But the recipiant is linked to the wizard and endures the pain as well. After the fore arms are slashed open and wizard and recipient are bound together wounds matching. The recipient then must destroy and consume the wizards essence or rather his soul. This gives the recipient a direct link to arcane power. They can draw upon the power of the wizards like tapping many wells. The more sacrifices the more power and wells to tap.
Garvin had almost fifty wizards sacrificed to him.
Ysseren doesn't understand Garvin's outcry about the power. He is put into deep sleeps and the ritual is performed mostly with him unaware. He must learn from Garvin where his power cones from.
Srothe also has the power but he showed less aptitude and therefore only received a few sacrifices. But he saw them as necessary evils and dealt with them much better.
The guild should be preparing for some disaster or invasion. There has to be a lot of desperation to commit such acts. Perhaps Garvin has killed all of the guild but Ysserren and Srothe, now Ysseren is concerned of the calamaty's advent but doesn't know what it might be. Garvin knows bt its buried in the madness that consumes him.
It comes to a head when Ysserren has finally learned of Srothe's guilt and his regrets of how he treated Garvin. They are at the imperial Capitol and Garvin is claiming he is going to purge the world to save it. He says the pain he endures will allow him to extinguish the world and himself. Ysseren attempts to fight him and finds that he is significantly weaker despite having almost the same amount of sacrifices. Garvin floats above the city and begins to use pillars of light to tear the city apart. As Ysseren and Srothe watch in horror they begin to see that there is something hiding beneath the city. It is an ancient Wyrm and as it wakes and begins to rage Garvin strikes it down in a collosal battle. All across the world the sibling Wyrms wake and begin to rampage. Then Garvin falls dead leaving the world to it's plight.
-There is even a religion that follows Garvin. They claim he will purge the Earth in Holy light and cleanse it. They seem to believe he us actually the spawn of one of the gods. He of course denounces them but when he finds that he can not dissuade them he let's them be and some times even serve him. Some how his rabbel of a church actually uncovered the prophecy foretelling of the Wyrm's and their advent. Every one discounted them though.
They call him The Destroyer. But after the Wyrm is killed Srothe and Ysseren see a procession of his Priests leading thousands of people out of the ground claiming the Destroyer has protected them. Somewhere between his madness he charged the Church with saving the people who would listen.
-Of course there should be more to the story. Characters involved in politics and intrigue, maybe even movements against the church. There has to be a female love interest for Ysseren.
-Garvin takes revenge on the guild only after they grant Ysseren his powers. Untill then there was no word of where Garvin was. Not even his Church knew where he was. (Well most of them)
Monday, October 12, 2009
It's been far too long...
So here we are again, I haven't posted in months. Work and World of Warcraft have been eating up all my time. I have so many plans for all the things I would like to do but when it comes down to it I'm just lazy.
I have been trying to raise several of my characters in wow to 80. So far I have a 71 priest and a 63 paladin. After I am going to raise a deathknight to tailor/alchemy so I can try to mass produce gems and cloth. Then I will try to start selling stuff on the auction house. Then I need to start working on my Armorsmith and Weaponsmith. Even farther down the line will be a third account to do the recruit a friend for 200% experience. I plan to do this either at the next expansion or before.
I have also been trying to work on an outline for my story. (But as I said I'm lazy.) I really want to have it written whole so I can start getting people to read and critique it. Of course then it will be clear as to the name of this blog. Erinin is the city where my story takes place. I don't want to say much but when I start writing in earnest I want to post some of my work here. My problem is one of focus, I have a lot of stories jumbled up in my head. Ones I would like to write one day and ones I have probably thought up for my own pleasure.
Well enough rambling, I hope to post more often...
I have been trying to raise several of my characters in wow to 80. So far I have a 71 priest and a 63 paladin. After I am going to raise a deathknight to tailor/alchemy so I can try to mass produce gems and cloth. Then I will try to start selling stuff on the auction house. Then I need to start working on my Armorsmith and Weaponsmith. Even farther down the line will be a third account to do the recruit a friend for 200% experience. I plan to do this either at the next expansion or before.
I have also been trying to work on an outline for my story. (But as I said I'm lazy.) I really want to have it written whole so I can start getting people to read and critique it. Of course then it will be clear as to the name of this blog. Erinin is the city where my story takes place. I don't want to say much but when I start writing in earnest I want to post some of my work here. My problem is one of focus, I have a lot of stories jumbled up in my head. Ones I would like to write one day and ones I have probably thought up for my own pleasure.
Well enough rambling, I hope to post more often...
Sunday, June 28, 2009
A Crazy Weekend!
So I never heard from AFTAH but that is probably for the best. Anyone that reads this probably hates me for that letter. :PThis weekend I went to Baltimore with a few friends to go see the Distant Worlds concert from Final Fantasy. It was so much fun! Even though I missed my favorite song Libery Fatali (sp?)
So now I really really want to go to Otakon in 2010!!! I realize there is still time for 2009 but I just don't have the money or a way to get there this year :(
I actually just started a new job at a Tree company so now I get to live out half my gay fantasies because I am Blue Collar! And making good money and working Monday through Thursday! That totally means to go to Otakon I only need to take of one day.
My plan is to go dressed as Edward from Final Fantasy IV and try to sing while I am there and see if I can get anyone to notice me and try to make a spectacle of myself. I want to learn to sing a few songs from the Chorus Vocal Collections in Japanese and also learn the songs in English (I have to try to adapt them probably, but it will be fun).
My favorite songs I love to sing are:
Wanderer of Time (FF VI)
Nao Chora Menina (FF VI Kids running through the street)
Gaia (FF I Main Theme)
Tooi Hibi no Nonokori (FF V Sorrows of Parting)
Estrelas (FF IV Gilbert's Harp)
Prelude (The English Version)
Ok I don't know why I like listing things in blogs but I do :P Well I will hopefully post more craziness more frequently. Ciao
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I am so bored that I am sending an email to AFTAH
This is what I wrote. I apologize if it pissed you off, I was trying to appeal to them to see what they would say. But I do believe that we gays need better values regarding relationships and whatnot. (don't kill me)
"Hi! I would just like to point out to you that by stopping gay activists you are making a self fulfilling prophecy that lewd disgusting gay behavior will continue.
Think of it this way. For straight children they have all of their values established for them. They are supposed to meet innocently, court and then become married and to then consummate that marriage.
A gay teen has nothing like that. They face adversity because of their life style. They receive no sort of structure when it comes to values because there is nothing for them compared to marriage. They aren't raised with the idea of monogamy because parents don't know how to deal with or guide their children.
There can be no abstinence if there is no marriage or an equivalent for gays.
I know that this site believes that homosexuality is wrong in it self. But that is not really your business to tell people what not to do in their bedrooms. I personally want to see the promiscuity and the orgies and the flaunting stop.
(I agree that no children should be present during the pride parade, or exposed to any sexual content until a legal adult.)
And if young gay teens have a structure for values that parents can give them then it will.
So please think about it. If the homosexuals were able to learn values and had the same rights as all the other groups then they really wouldn't be in everyone's faces. "
I can't wait for the response. This could be hilarious. Or they could ignore me. Meh :P
"Hi! I would just like to point out to you that by stopping gay activists you are making a self fulfilling prophecy that lewd disgusting gay behavior will continue.
Think of it this way. For straight children they have all of their values established for them. They are supposed to meet innocently, court and then become married and to then consummate that marriage.
A gay teen has nothing like that. They face adversity because of their life style. They receive no sort of structure when it comes to values because there is nothing for them compared to marriage. They aren't raised with the idea of monogamy because parents don't know how to deal with or guide their children.
There can be no abstinence if there is no marriage or an equivalent for gays.
I know that this site believes that homosexuality is wrong in it self. But that is not really your business to tell people what not to do in their bedrooms. I personally want to see the promiscuity and the orgies and the flaunting stop.
(I agree that no children should be present during the pride parade, or exposed to any sexual content until a legal adult.)
And if young gay teens have a structure for values that parents can give them then it will.
So please think about it. If the homosexuals were able to learn values and had the same rights as all the other groups then they really wouldn't be in everyone's faces. "
I can't wait for the response. This could be hilarious. Or they could ignore me. Meh :P
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