It is crap and has a lot of plot flaws...

I haven't written anything new in such a long time. That may be an issue for me. This rage and this desire to just give up are killing me. Perhaps I have had the power to drive them away before. I need to feel like I am doing something. My hate will consume me in the end.

06-17-10
"Would that I can release you. I am no longer in control. There was a distinct change after the 46th ritual. I noticed that what I had been experiencing was no longer real. They trapped me in a dream world and now they are free to do as they please, with all my power at their disposal...."

He could barely focus. The incantation was buzzing around inside his head. The words lit up his thoughts like beacons of light, they blinded him. Somewhere underneath of all the power and energy flowing around and through him he could hear the sharp and terrifying screams. Someone was being tortured right next to him.
Somehow he was disconnected from it. This was unusual. Power still flowed into him, but he did not feel the pain. What was wrong? Where was the linkage? The light in his head permeated his sense of self and made it difficult to locate his query.
In the deeper recesses of his mind he could feel it. The link was heavy, it was as if a thousand cords of magic had been wrapped together and nestled into his brain. He knew if he followed them he would be led to the man who sat screaming next to him. Why couldn't he feel him though?
The mass of cords were whole and unmolested. There was no true end to the cords, they were inside him and therefore connected. Somehow though he was not at the fore of himself.
Slowly he let himself drift back up into the light. They seared through him and caused pain of their own, but nothing compared to the torture he usually endured. The link should have been sending all of the man's pain to him. He did not prevent the man from feeling it, but shared it. If he were aware of himself he would have shivered.
Watching as men were mutilated and beaten, their screams pulsing through him, had scarred him. When he first was placed in that chair and noticed the man next to him tied and gagged he could not fathom what was to happen. When the incantation started he began to feel things. First he noticed a great weariness, the man was exhausted. A gnawing hunger settled into his stomach and his wrists began to burn.
The sensations almost overtook him. He soon began yelling that he did not belong there. The Wizards of Alak'Nor would never stand for this. Screaming to be released a heavy hand came down and smacked his face. Realization came to him as the man sitting next to him recoiled in pain with him. Then they had brought out the knives.
Returning to his current situation he started watching the light pulsing through his mind. He had only had this introspective view once before. One of the victims, they had pushed him here. Perhaps they hoped he could disrupt the magic. If he tried to get to near the words and the light he was burned and blown backward. There was no stopping them.
The victim who had done this was dead though. It was his previous one. Did he somehow linger somewhere inside himself? Did the victim force him here again?
He had to get back, he had to see what was happening. He could still hear the man screaming, but only faintly. Perhaps if he could get to the source he could retake himself. Only it seemed as if the sound was coming from above the spell. How would he get through it?
The lights pulsed and between each pulse there was darkness, a stillness that he could see or feel something beyond. Chiding himself for thinking of things in a physical sense he waited and expelled himself through between the next pulse.
Pain ripped through him. Agony was coming out of him as sound in raw screams. The cuts were everywhere. Small gouges that wept blood covered him. They burned and ached with such a ferocity that he was certain he would go into shock.
Remembering in a small moment that it was not actually happening to him he dared look over. There was not a man who sat next to him but a bloody mess. His skin was so punctuated by the small incisions that it was a marvel that his innards did not spill out.
Tearing his eyes away he began to go through the motions of ignoring the pain. It never truly worked but it helped some. He believed because he was not actually physically receiving the torture he should be able to shut off his mind from feeling it. But he never truly succeeded .
Reciting entire books in his mind, listing the names of all the people he had murdered, mapping out the city in his head all worked fairly well. Even so his thoughts would usually turn to Srothe. Somehow he felt that in the man he could bastion himself away.

What am I doing?

Yay! So this is the picture that I found in April that I had been looking for! Want to know what I did with it since then? A big fat nothing! But it was supposed to be a mix of the Freedom Gundam and Wing Zero and whatever else nonsense. I just never finished it. I have another picture of it that I liked even less.



And now to bore everyone to death! I decided to start posting the stupid things I write in notebooks.


11-03-09

Soon I will start writing in earnest. It has taken 8 years but the store is finally tightening up.

Just must fight to protect his people and learn what it means to kill out of need.

Along the way he is assaulted by a voice in his head. He bonds a young woman who loves his best friend. He befriends rebels and slaves to the council.

And at the end a demon awaits him. After the city exalts his name and pushes him into leadership.

Eventually I must strive to complete a time line. And in such a way that I can shift events around easily.

Otherwise its all in my head waiting to be written. Stupid Laziness.

Jude felt as if he were bated in light. Slowly he opened his eyes to find he was atop a hill. The hill was tall and covered in healthy green grass. He could see nothing beyond the hill.

He knew what he would see when he looked down. A man so burnt it seemed impossible he should yet live. There was no trace of his fingers, toes or his hair. The mains face was a a blackened husk, his eyes were a startling contrast.

Just as he had so long ago he placed his hands on the man's chest. The man screamed, or at least he seemed to. There was no mouth to open and his through could not be in good shape.

Even in the dream Jude reveled at the intake of power. He surged energy through the man speeding up his metabolism to dangerous levels. The man's cells would begin to repair themselves but Jude knew it was not enough.

Waves of pure life overlaid into the blackened mess of skin and flesh and caused it to repair. Flesh of milk white began to emerge out of the crusty ashes.

Jude did not let up. He always feared if he left the Healing to it's own devices somehow it would fail.

It took only minutes. The man's chest began to rise and fall. It was well muscled and sprinkled with freckles and red hair. The man's fingers began to regrow revealing long strong hands.

As his face took shape eyelids grew back over the eyes, full lips grew to cover recovered teeth and a full head of vibrant red hair. The man only showed a little gray at his temples.

Jude gasped. Since he started dreaming of the incident the man who emerged from his healings were never actually the man who he had healed. It was always a different person. Never had he seen two of the same faces. Some killed him, some he killed. Generally the dream would dissolve into madness by this point. But never had it been the original man.

His eyes fluttered open. At first he seemed to be in shock. What Jude could only guess was recognition passed over his features. The man spoke softly, "I know you."

The man sat up, looking amazed at the ease of it. "You healed me. That was so long ago." The man looked away for a moment as if seeing something in the distance. He turned back. "Who are you?"

Before Jude could answer he felt as if he were being pulled away. The hill vanished.

-
Hmm it sucks and I cheated. I edited a little bit of it. This really sucked... I am almost tempted to not post this.

It's a new year! Can you believe it!?

So my life is so insane that if I told you all about it I bet that no one would believe me! I cannot go into detail here as I don't feel I have the right to tell about other people's lives (and there are so many involved, sigh).

Today I worked for six hours. I sat in a truck and played PSP while talking to a guy who is named Chicken Bone by his peers. Being that I play video games and do little else we did not have much to talk about. So it was a little awkward.

Then I had my sister pick me up after the terrible news that our Storm Work was over (boo). So we went back to her house and we began watching Julie & Julia. Halfway through her husband came home and we decided we needed to get dinner. We discussed all manner of things, but my favorite was the idea that we should collaborate and write a book. I just think it would be exciting.

So we went to Shop Rite and we were very excited by the Can Can Sale. 12 Packs of Coke Products are only 5 for 10$!!! We couldn't believe that. Then we spent about half the time there picking out ice cream. It's amazing how the cartons have shrunk so much and the price is so high! Where are my 1.99 2Qt tubs!?!?

The second half of the movie was even better when we got home. Though the ending was very ambiguous. Except that apparently Julie wrote a book about her blog. Then a movie was made out of it. We were shocked right out of our panties!

Yeah, so here I am writing a blog about a movie in which a woman wrote a blog and then became successful. But that won't happen to me... Oh well.

P.S. Today while we were eating at Applebees I decided that my next boyfriend has to have red hair, want kids and only like real Christmas trees. Yeah I am crazy.